Beware of loved one and toxic family members
When things don’t go to plan do your loved ones say “never mind, at least you tried” or worse still “I told you so”. Or do they say “ok, so what did you learn and what will you do differently next time?” Often the people we turn to when we need support are toxic family members masquerading as people who want what is best for us. Unfortunately, they don’t share or understand our big visions. Often our loved ones can be critical or dubious about our big visions.
If you have a big vision for yourself and what you want to do in the world you need to surround yourself with other people with big visions.
We let our loved ones clip our wings and we stay small and caged rather than flying.
We let them clip our wings because big visions need lots of support, encouragement and belief. and when we don’t get that we start to doubt ourself. And let’s face it being safe is a lot easier than stepping out of our comfort zone to chase visions that aren’t always very clear.
If you have toxic family members in your life who are critical, dubious or unsupportive ask yourself what is behind that.
I’d bet my bottom dollar that is it fear.
- Your husband loves you and maybe he’s afraid you will outgrow him
- Aunty Betty loves you but thinks “sensible” people have “proper” jobs
- Your mum loves you and maybe she is afraid you will fail or get hurt because she doesn’t realise that there is no failure only feedback
- Your best friend loves you and maybe she is afraid you will find new friends
When we love someone we want to protect them but big visions don’t happen when you are protected. They happen when you have people in your life who motivate, inspire and encourage you. People who say “what’s next” people who say “fantastic, when are you going to do it”
Many of us have mums and partners who are great at the support you need when you’ve had a rotten day and you need a glass of wine and a cuddle but not great at saying “go try again!”
The truth is having big visions doesn’t mean leaving others behind
…it means finding “big vision support” elsewhere, so once you’ve had a glass of wine and a cuddle and hubby has gone back to work and your Mum has gone to buy you a cream cake to cheer you up you have someone who will say “come on then what are you waiting for you’ve got things to do”
Big vision support means finding a coach, mentor or group who will push you when you are scared, pick you up when you fall down, challenge you, problem solve with you and celebrate with you when you take another step towards that big vision.
Wine and cakes are great if you need cheering up or for a reward… but life is about balance so make sure you have a network that balances with those who love you and keep you safe.