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Category Archives for Upgrade Your Life

What Is NLP

NLP is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy created by John Grinder and Richard Bandler in America in the 70’s.

NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming and is basically a methodology to achieve what we want in life

The way we interpret our experiences is derived from the three systems forming the basis for the term N-L-P.

Neuro

Our neurology is responsible for how the human body functions. We can’t move our body without connections between muscles, nerves and brain.

Linguistic

The human language is how we communicate, however, this includes other conditions such as tone, gestures and expressions influencing the interpretation of this message.

Programming

Programming is derived from our mental processes (the neuro part of the word), our language (the linguistic part), and how they are interwoven to affect our behaviour and our physical responses.

The History of NLP

Richard Bandler was a 20-year-old psychology student at U.C. Santa Cruz, when he met and became friends with Dr John Grinder, who was in his late 20’s and an associate professor of linguistics at the college.

Bandler became fascinated with the methods used by Virgina Satir, American author, social worker, and internationally esteemed family therapist and co-founder of the Mental Research Institute (MRI) in Palo Alto, California. He also studied the work of Fritz Perls a highly regarded German-born psychiatrist and psychotherapist who developed a form of psychotherapy that he coined gestalt therapy. Influenced by Perls’ work, Bandler started giving workshops and study groups that were centred around gestalt therapy.

Bandler and Grinder started working together with the aim of developing a set of rules and principles that governed the language structure of gestalt therapy. In particular, they wanted to define the techniques and skills that would enable people to overcome their obstacles and issues. Their approach was to use whatever worked; if it didn’t work, they would move on to something else that did work. They analyzed the writings and recordings of Perls and Satir in an attempt to extract the essence of what made these two therapists exceptional in their work.

They were getting outstanding results from modelling the therapy methods of Perls and Satir. Other influences came from Gregory Bateson, Alfred Korzybski and Milton Erickson amongst others

Bandler and Grinder were particularly intrigued by Milton Erickson’s approach and incorporated his manner of conversational hypnosis into the NLP toolkit. Conversational hypnosis was a way of speaking to the unconscious that was “artfully vague” and did away with authoritarian suggestions that Erickson felt were much more likely to be met with resistance from the unconscious. This approach of Erickson’s became a core characteristic of what is now called the “Milton Model,” a hypnotic language style.

As their knowledge and insights developed, the pair tried these techniques out on friends and colleagues, which included Leslie Cameron Bandler, Robert Dilts, Judith DeLozier, and David Gordon. Each of these soon helped expand NLP with their contributions

Many of the NLP techniques that are in use today grew out of the research, ideas and training offered by these people and others who have continued to add to and develop the expanding scope of NLP practice.

Get Focused Get Results

Want better results? Get focused!

Is there something that has been on your To Do list that its time to finally get done?

… even if you would rather stick pins in your eye than do that thing?

Maybe your To Do list is only in your head but there is still that one task that you know would help you make money but even the thought of planning it gives you the heebygeebies.

Yeah I know its scary, I know its easier to faff about on Facebook because that is where your customers hang out but its time to get focused!

C’mon though watching that cute baby goat video during precious “business time” doesn’t help you make money!!

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The Power of a Posse

I understand perfectly  that our beliefs hold us back. But I still have plenty of them that I allow to get in the way. We all have them.

The difference is I know what mine are, so sometimes I beat myself up because I “should” be able to get rid of them. After all I help other women with theirs every day. When I go through a self critical phase thankfully I can usually turn it around quickly!

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13 Productivity Killers You need To Eliminate

We all have the same 24 hours in a day, yet some people seem to get way more done than others. Are any of these common productivity killers getting in the way of your personal or business life?

Killer #1: Too much on your plate is one of the top productivity killers. Women often take on tasks even when they already have a full plate. Often this is because we don’t like letting people down are we want things done a particular way, you might  believe you can get everything done but…. maybe you need to learn to say no! If you keep spreading yourself too thin, for too long, your quality of work, your health and your sanity will eventually suffer. 

Killer #2: Not getting enough sleep can kill your productivity. I’m not telling you to get 10 hours of sleep. Everyone’s body is different. But research says most people need 7 to 8 hours to be fully rested.

Killer #3: Not getting enough exercise can kill your productivity as well. Physical activity keeps your mind healthy as well as your body. Just a simple walk around the block can clear your mind so you are ready to start on a task when you return.

Killer #4: Not enough time for yourself. Not only do you need enough sleep, you need time to yourself. This means taking short breaks throughout the day and regular quality time off to recharge your batteries

Killer #5: Not eating a healthy diet. Junk food, sweets, fats and processed foods all make your body weak, overweight and sick while slowing your immune system. If your immune system is already affected I would suggest a health kick start with a detox

Killer #6: You’re not motivated by what you’re doing. Are you bored with what you are doing? It is hard to get motivated in the morning because you don’t enjoy what the day has to offer? Figure out what you love to do to; being passionate and excited leads to being more productive.

Killer #7: Your personal relationships aren’t in balance. Frustration, fighting, and friction among your family or friends can take a toll on your energy. Find ways to reduce this stress.

Killer #8: Your finances are causing you stress. Financial stress is a big distraction to a lot of people. It takes our mind and time away from doing things we want to be doing.

Killer #9: There’s no one to hold you accountable. If you aren’t held responsible for your actions, you can easily not get things done. Hint, a coach works perfectly in this situation :)

Killer #10: You don’t know what to do next. You don’t know what your next step should be….. again, if this is your problem you need a coach!!

Killer #11: Interruptions are a constant in our fast-paced life. Email, people, phone calls are all interruptions that can affect your productivity. Setting boundaries can make a big difference in eliminating distractions… I know someone who could help you with this too… are you spotting a theme?

Killer #12: You haven’t set clear goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely, emotional, and rewarding. (I won’t say it again, you get the picture, right?)

Killer #13: Not planning regularly. Your priorities change and your plan of action should be changing with it.

Not all these things are a problem for everyone. You will have to determine which are affecting your productivity and learn ways to deal with them. You might need to change your eating and sleeping patterns or your financial situation. Whatever is causing you to be less productive can be changed and although you may be able to do it on your own I guarantee that working with the right coach can get you to super productive, super quick!

 

Sorry but it’s time for me to have a rant!

I need toActually I”m not sorry at all. I’m going to have a rant because sometimes people don’t listen until voices are raised and we really say how we feel.

 

I used to shout at my kids on a morning to get ready because I was constantly stressed out. Shouting was my default way of communicating at home because I wasn’t in control of myself, my thoughts or my behaviour.

 

Now I’m pretty much always in control of how I feel about things. But I still shout at my teenage son!! The difference though is I think of it as “strategic shouting”. Sometimes his hormones turn him into well…. a teenager….  and when I raise my voice he knows his, now “chilled out  most of the time” Mum means business.

 

What has that got to do with me having a rant with you though..  well I’ll tell you…

 

I am a coach because I want to help people like you who are less than happy with one or more aspects of life. When I talk about life that includes your career or business too because very few people can separate home and work.

 

Most people reading this want to improve a particular aspect of life therefore I want to help people just like you.

 

So that means we want the same thing….

 

But…

 

when I look at my newsletter open rates almost twice as many people open emails with the subject “My husband tried to sabotage me” or “oops I did it again”  than they did when the subject was my most recent email “How to find time for you

 

Why is that, when people I speak to constantly tell me the one thing they would change is having more “me time”?

 

Well its simple….

 

Human beings are naturally curious so you want to know what my husband did to sabotage me, thats ok!!!  Unfortunately human beings also sabotage themselves day in and day out and that’s not ok…

 

You have beliefs that hold you back, keep you stuck and stop you from believing that things can change…

 

And you’re wrong!!

 

If you are one of the people who absolutely believes “nothing will change, life sucks and then you die” then my newsletter isn’t for you and you should use the unsubscribe button at the bottom of the email. If you don’t receive my newsletter but you want to and you dont think “nothing changes” just enter your details in the boxes at the end of this post.

 

If however you just know that you want a better life and you want to role model a happier, more fulfilled, more resilient version of you to your loved ones then…  that starts with the decision to do something different. That might be buying a self help book or it might be working with a coach or doing an online programme.

 

I might be the right coach for you, I might not, but thinking that coaching won’t work for you when you haven’t experienced it is STUPID… sorry to be harsh but it is a very blinkered, self sabotaging point of view.

 

Think of this blog as a “strategic rant” on my part because I want to jolt you out of your everyday self-defeating thoughts because I wish someone had done that to me sooner.

 

 

Kate Middleton is NOT trapped in Princess Diana’s shadow!

During a recent visit to the dentists I flicked through an popular woman’s magazine. One of the headlines was:

Kate:Trapped In Diana’s Shadow

What a load of tosh!kate

Kate Middleton, The Duchess of Cambridge had never seemed in the shadow of Princess Diana to me so I was curious. As I suspected there was no substance whatsoever to the article. It was based on both Kate Middleton and Princess Diana being photographed wearing green dresses, giving birth at the same hospital and a few other “non-facts”

The only way Kate is in Diana’s shadow is if she thinks she is. The beliefs that we have about ourselves and our situation are what keep us stuck and  “in the shadows”

Comparing yourself to others (whoever you are) is likely to make you feel like you aren’t good enough, it is a form of self sabotage! Being afraid of not being good enough will stop you from trying.

Of course there are similarities between Kate and Diana, most importantly both love(d) William and both are loved by William, why does anybody have to be in the shadows?

Now obviously I have no idea whether Kate feels like she is in Princess Diana’s shadow but if a client of mine felt they were in the shadow of someone or something I’d tell them that they have a choice:

“Stay in the shadows or step into the sunshine, it’s your choice”

It’s Time To Focus

In my last article I shared how I’d lost my mojo and what I did to get it back. So I’ve definitely got it back now and I’m full of ideas for 2014. It might seem a long time away but success takes planning and preparation and over the next few days I will be mapping out next year. As a coach and entrepreneur I have lots of ideas and I like to start things way more than I like to finish them BUT successful people finish things even when they don’t go quite to plan and that takes FOCUS!!

Its really easy to lose focus when you have a busy work life and a family and have a whole world of distractions in your pocket courtesy of your smart phonemake-a-list

How many times have you gone to bed exhausted but wondering what you actually accomplished that day?

To stop feeling like that and get back on track you need to improve your ability to focus.

Confucius Says… There’s a famous quote about focus by the great philosopher Confucius: “If you chase two rabbits, you catch none.” True, there might be people who are able to multitask and do it relatively well; but more often than not, people who split their attention between two different tasks have a more difficult time completing both tasks well.

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Here are my favourite five ways to regain your focus and get back on track:

1 |     Ditch the distractions

Get rid of the things stopping you from getting things done – it’s that simple! Forget about checking email every five minutes they will still be there when you complete your task. Make a list of distractions and eliminate them!
•     Turn off the phone and let the voice mail take over.
•     Close the blinds in your office.
•     Turn off the music if you find yourself singing more than working.
•     Simply closing the door to your office can give you more privacy and more focus.

2 |     Prioritize your work

Rather than working on projects simultaneously, take one thing at a time, focus on it, and worry about all the other stuff later. You’ll get a lot more done and it will be a higher quality.
•    Find a way to prioritize that works best for you. Choose either the project that has the earliest deadline or the one with the least components so you can finish it quickly and get it out of the way. There are pros and cons to both systems so tackle it whichever way works for you.

3 |     Tell everyone to respect your time

There are lots of respectful ways to tell people to give you some space. If you’re finding yourself pushed for time and can’t seem to get away from others, let them know that you need time to finish some important tasks. There are a lot of different ways to do it and if it seems uncomfortable to do that, practice what you are going to say then give yourself a pat on the back when you’ve done it for valuing your time.
•     Set times that you’ll accept phone calls and even visitors. Tell them to contact you by email and then set a regular time to check your email.
•     Set business hours during which people can expect you to return their calls or emails.

4 |     Set some limitations with your internet access

The internet is awesome but it can be a huge time waster, especially if you work at a computer all day long. Regain your focus with some self-imposed rules.
•     First, close all those windows you’re not using. Avoid Twitter or Facebook or your social media platform of choice like the plague!!
•     Establish certain times each day to use these fun things and just focus on what you have to do. You’ll quickly accomplish more!

5 |     Have confidence in your abilities

This may seem like a really small thing when it comes to focusing and getting back on task, but believing that you can get everything done that you set out to do puts you in a positive frame of mind and you’ll be less distracted with stress and worry.
•     Have confidence that you can complete each task with ease and believe in your ability to deliver. If you’ll just have the confidence, you’re sure to have the focus!
Now that I’ve given you five ways to focus and get back on task, it’s up to you to take action and learn how to focus your thoughts. If you’ve got to get stuff done, follow these steps so you can put yourself – and your goals – first!
Scroll to the bottom of the page and leave me a comment to tell me what you are going to start doing to have more focus and get more done!!
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