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Category Archives for Be More Resilient

Why I’m Avoiding My Grumpy Husband

The universe loves to test me when I am super busy.

My husband is on holiday from a job he hates so should be happy but has decided to spend the week complaining about a whole host of irrelevant issues.

Our lease car is due for renewal and when he heard the quote the new agreement he decided to go all huffy and have a rant about money.

Personally I thought what we had been quoted was reasonable but he was in “one of those moods” so…

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Why a job is like a jungle

jungle

If you are in a job you have probably been told to work smarter not harder. If you have ever managed staff you have probably said it :)

As a manager in a “proper” job I used to say it to staff all the time. I believed it because I was brain washed by listening to the same old clap trap spouted by managers above me.

Working smarter might benefit the company because they save resources which might be good for you if it keeps you in a job you love rather than facing redundancy. How does it effect you long term though? Did you work smart… really smart and really hard and then targets got increased again the following year? Did you work so hard and so smart that you keep getting more and more responsibility piled on top of you because you’re “reliable”

Unfortunately it doesn’t matter how hard you work if you are an employee your futute is still determined by a structure, a system, a hierarchy…

You have to fit into that structure. For some the structure fits their needs and their life perfectly which is good. For others it sucks the life out of them and twists them out of shape as they bend over backwards trying to keep everybody happy…that is not good.

Fear of the unknown keeps people stuck though. Not realising life doesn’t have to be like that means people don’t see other opportunities. Not wanting to appear weak means people don’t tell others how they feel. None of that is good.

But you don’t have a choice do you?? You need that income, your family is dependant on it. You can’t do anything else can you?

Well I’m sorry but that is rubbish. You have choices! There are always choices!

You might not see them or if you do see them they might scare the pants off you but I promise you, you do have choices.  Even if you see lots of choices I guarantee you there are others that you can’t see. Even if you choose to do nothing and everything stays the same then do it with awareness and a sense of purpose… If you want things to stay the same there is a reason and it’s your choice then that is ok, but please do it with awareness rather than allowing yourself to be a victim.

I find it hard to explain what I do to somebody who has had no experience of coaching. There are lots of “pink and fluffy” definitions, none of which I really associate with.  I was trying to explain coaching to someone a few days ago and I thought she was getting it until she asked me “how do you get them to do what you tell them to do?”

What!!??

She clearly didn’t get it. I don’t tell people what to do, crikey who am I to tell someone what to do?? I occassionally mentor people in a coaching session. If someone wants to build their own website or wants to know where to get cheap graphics from then I’ll share my experience but NO, I don’t tell people what to do.

I do however help people to achieve their goals. That’s the easy part though. When someone has a goal I can easily help them to achieve and probably exceed their goals quicker and more easily than they would on their own.

Problem is lots of people don’t know what they want, they know what they don’t want or they just know something is “missing” or that they aren’t happy or they are thinking “is this it?” If you feel like that it could be because you are fitting in with or trying to fit in with a structure that just isn’t working for you.

When you are in the middle of a jungle you just can’t see the right path. There might even be more than one path, so I help people find the right path. I help people become aware of their choices and make conscious decisions. If people want to stay in the jungle I help them do that too but with awareness and with tools, techniques and strategies to keep themself safe.

I’m not sure if I’ve been a bit waffly in this blog. It was in my head and I had to get it out. Maybe I’ll come back to it later and redo it, if you’ve found value in my thoughts I’d love to know and maybe even get a share or two.

 

The Power of Gratitude

Research shows that among all emotions, the feeling of gratitude contributes most to our peace of mind and to our feelings of fulfillment and that gratitude accounts for absence of stress in human relations above any other emotion.

It’s very easy to focus on the negatives in life or the things we haven’t got; like not being able to afford those shoes, the fact that it has started to rain or an argument with a family member, the list is endless.

BUT you get what you focus on so focus on the many, many positives in life!!

Be grateful for the refreshing, hot shower you had before work, the fact that you remembered your umbrella, be grateful for your family!!

I was introduced to gratitude by my meditation teacher and became part of a “gratitude text group”. One day when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself I got a text message from one of the group saying ”today I’m grateful for the delicious meal that my sister made for me.” It reminded me how supportive my family and friends had been and that I too had a lot to be grateful for. It put a smile on my face and turned my day around.

Developing an attitude of gratitude will help you to retrain your mind to focus on the positive things in life rather than the negative things that cause us to feel stressed.

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has” – Epictetus

Action Step:

Start a gratitude journal and each and every day spend just a few minutes thinking about what you are grateful for. For the first week put as many things as possible on the list (at least 30), no matter how small.

From the second week onward commit to writing 10 things each day that you are grateful for. Do this at the same time every morning or night so that it becomes a habit. It might be difficult to think of 10 things a day but often the things that occur to us after the first 4 or 5 things that we write down are the important things that are easy to take for granted.

 

Beware:

Don’t judge anything you write down!! Never look at the list and think that’s not big enough, good enough etc or that makes me sound selfish. It’s your list and I’m giving you permission to put anything you want on it, from being grateful that you’re having a good hair day or that you could afford that new handbag to being grateful for a meeting that went well or for the clean water you’re drinking.

 

Life Is a Roller Coaster

To quote Ronan Keeting:

Life is a roller coaster.

It is a series of ups and downs, highs and lows, fun and fear.

Some people love roller coasters, some people hate them and that is OK, you have a choice about whether you get on a roller coaster or not. The life roller coaster isn’t a choice though. If you are reading this then you have a life and you can either be afraid of it or you can see it as an exciting journey full of excitement and surprises.

Some people get on the life roller coaster and complain all the way round. In the fun bits they are waiting for the next low rather than enjoying the moment. Some people just stand in the roller coaster queue and watch others either wishing it was them or criticising those who got on the roller coaster.

Some roller coasters last for ages and you get your moneys worth, some of them don’t last as long and you might feel a bit cheated but one thing is for sure when it’s the life roller coaster you can’t pay for another go.

So my question to you is are you going to look back and think “thank goodness that is over” or are you going to think “that was bloody amazing – I want to get back on?”

If you are a busy working mums and need help switching from Misery to Joy then you can get the “Misery Detox 7 Day Audio Program” valued at $197 FOR FREE

This is just one of 11 gifts on offer ALL FOR FREE just click the link to sign up for the Calm Mum Giveaway Event   don’t wait too long though, it ends on June 17th

How to stop focusing on the problem and start finding a solution

There is very rarely one right solution.  We are all unique so what is a potential solution for you could be a “no go” for someone else which is why advice from others often sucks! The problem is most people aren’t very creative when it comes to thinking of solutions to their problems.

Here is an easy 4 step process that you can use in any situation:

Step 1 – Get all of the stuff in your head onto paper

Step 2 – Work out what is sabotaging you

Step 3 –  No holds barred brainstorming

Step 4 -Have the courage to make a decision

If you need some accountability leave a comment or join my private Facebook group for likeminded working mums and share your first steps in a safe and supportive environment. I’d love to hear from you and how you get on and I always reply.

TIME TO TAKE ACTION

What are you waiting for, go and find a pen and paper

Dealing with difficult people

difficult peopleDealing with difficult people can be extremely draining on your mental energy!

And let’s face it,  none of us busy working mums can afford to lose any of our energy, be it mental or physical!

So here are some tips on how to deal with a difficult person whether they are your mother in law, a colleague or a friend or anyone else you encounter conflict with for that matter

1 | Ouch, that’s hot!

Avoid ‘hot button’ topics, like religion or politics, or any other issue that could easily explode into conflict. Whenever you sense that a discussion may evolve into an argument, it’s best to change the subject or even leave the room.

2 | Snails will never be butterflies

You’re not there to try and change the other person. They are who they are. Attempts at change only lead to power struggles, and power struggles are never healthy, and will likely lead to resentful feelings, personal criticism, and heightened defensiveness. People will be even more difficult when they feel threatened. You only have power over you and how you choose to respond to others.

3 | How’d you get to be so bad?

Remember, no one in any conflict situation is totally ‘bad’ while the other person is totally ‘good.’ Everyone is flawed in some way and all relationships need some form of “give and take”. Approach others with compassion, and look past their imperfections.

4 | Seeing the positive

Even though everyone is flawed, people also possess many positive aspects, and it’s important to recognise these qualities. By acknowledging what’s right about others, they are more likely to see what’s right about you. Feeling appreciated and seen can go a long way to preventing conflict from ever happening.

5 | Making a clean break

Know when it’s time to break away from others. Minimise your contact with people who do not appreciate you for who you are; do not recognise their own weaknesses, and continually look down on others. Cut ties with those that are abusive. Sometimes relationships need to be put to rest. So let them go.

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