Well, the 24 hours we have isn’t going to change any time soon so you can live with it or take more responsibility for your precious time by starting to say no.
The pressures of modern day life have led to huge changes in our daily routines, yet we were taught that women “behave” in a certain way by our mothers, grandmothers and teachers who lived in a very different way.
If you look at the environment you live in now with the technology and gadgets you have access to and compare it to all that was available when you were growing up you will see a huge difference.
well… you feel like a failure because you are comparing yourself to others, you feel like a failure because you are trying to fit into what society dictates “a good mum / wife / business owner / employee” looks like.
For goodness sake Ladies, WAKE UP! Continue reading
“How to forgive” is one of my favourite subjects but it’s actually not something that most people want to do BUT if you have someone in your life who you want to punch in the face or poke in the eye you need to forgive them
Ok, I get it, it’s probably the LAST thing that you want to do but you should do it anyway!
I’m not one for doing things just because we “should” do it so let me put it another way. You will feel better if you forgive them, this isn’t about them… its about you. being angry with someone eats away at YOU.
You might be asking “but Julia how can I forgive when they did X”
If you aren’t ready to forgive then that’s ok… stay angry but do it consciously, and be aware of what it is costing you. If you choose not to forgive (and yes IT IS a choice) then find a way to make peace with how you feel and accept that anger is part of being human and that you are not ready to let it go YET.
Or you could minimise the anger by actively blocking out the trigger. I was talking to a friend recently who gets very angry with a colleague. She’s normally a pretty chilled out person but one person just triggers her.
The thing is though she is triggered by what this person posts on Facebook…. duh, unfollow or unfriend her!!!!
You know who you are and it’s all said with love ;)
Oh and by the way forgiving someone does not make you weak it makes you STRONG!!
If you are ready to forgive great, for some people that is easy for others it’s not. You might even believe that you can’t forgive them but I promise you that if you want to then you can.
At the risk of letting my woo-woo side out of the closet I’m going to share my 2 favourite “how to forgive” tools, they are Ho’oponopono and EFT.
Ho’oponopono is something that is super simple to do (which is why I like it), although not to spell and don’t ask me to pronounce it :) and although I could tell you what to do you would think I’m a bit bonkers and I would have trouble explaining how it works so instead I’m going to add some links to articles that explain it much better that I could. Plus I don’t believe in reinventing the wheel!!
I’ve written about EFT in a previous blog post… https://www.julia-harris.com/tap-into-your-emotions-with-eft check this post out then google “EFT for forgiveness” for a video to follow along to. Personally I like Brad Yates videos but find one that resonates with you, reserve judgement and give it a go
If you are anything like me you are probably very sceptical about anything like this.
I’m a qualified EFT Practitioner and I’m still sceptical but I gave up worrying about whether things made sense a long time ago when I realised that it I wanted different things out of life I needed to do different things in my life. Now I could tell you about lots of times I’ve forgiven someone that I truly wanted to punch and got a really eye opening result. Who knows maybe one day I will… but for now let me ask you who do you need to forgive?
I recently “came out” about being a network marketer. This weekend I went to a meeting of 20,000 other independent distributors of Forever Living Products which is the company that I represent. I want to share how I almost let my introversion make me do something that would have been very silly.
I say “reminded” because in all honesty I know this stuff already. I talk about this stuff every day to clients but the uncomfortable feelings when we are outside of our comfort zone sometimes mean we don’t think effectively and that causes self-sabotaging behaviour.
Behaviour is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. Common self-sabotaging behaviours include procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol and comfort eating despite having weight concerns. These acts may seem helpful in the moment. So maybe the bathroom does need cleaning, maybe you’ve been putting off cleaning the bathroom for a while so it seems like a good thing to do. But are you doing that rather than writing a report or making a phone call or something else that would help you achieve your goals. Those things we are doing instead ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly.
People aren’t always aware that they are sabotaging themselves because the effects of their behaviour may not show up immediately. Unfortunately, connecting a behaviour to self-defeating consequences is no guarantee a person will have the power to stop that behaviour. It is possible to overcome almost any form of self-sabotaging behaviours and replace them with new, resourceful success habits instead. People do it every day but it requires determination and working on your thoughts consistently which can be hard but it becomes easier over time and it is definitely worthwhile if you want more out of life.
If you are an introvert and you’re not always comfortable with that or you allow it to hold you back you MUST watch this video from Susan Cain
The reminders that I want to share with you are:
Our thoughts, feelings and behaviours all affect each other. As human beings, we give meaning to situations. However, we often don’t realise that two people can give two very different meanings to the same event. It is the meanings we assign to the situation that affect how we feel and act, not the situation itself. These meanings are not always accurate, realistic, or helpful. Unhelpful thoughts lead to unpleasant emotions and unhelpful behaviours (e.g., avoidance) The unhelpful behaviour reinforces our negative thoughts which maintains the problem.
In other words, our thoughts, feelings and behaviours can interact and influence each other to create a vicious cycle. We all have negative or unhelpful thoughts every now and then, but when you consistently apply unhelpful meanings to events, then you will hold yourself back from achieving your goals and fulfilling your potential
So anyway let’s get back to the weekend and my introversion…
I turned up at the O2 arena for my first Forever Living event. It was the worldwide rally which means people come from all over the globe to meet fellow distributors and see the most successful distributors being recognised and rewarded with bonus cheques amongst other things. I didn’t really know what to expect to be honest but I know that to be successful you have to surround yourself with positive, motivated, successful people so it was the ideal place to be. Plus several successful network marketers say you should go to every event you possibly can so if it works for them who am I to argue :)
I stepped off the tube to see lots of people in national dress with whistles, flags and rattles and “Forever” branded clothing who were clearly going to the same event. I was early and the doors weren’t open to go into the O2 so I had a wander about. It got louder and louder and busier and busier. I was meeting one of my team there but she couldn’t make the start of the event so I found a seat and did some people watching. The more I looked about at all of the very happy, very loud, very confident people the more I thought “this isn’t for me” Not because I’m not happy or confident, I’m both and sometimes I can be loud too but I’m an introvert which means I’m energized by spending time alone. Introverts like to think and be alone.
Contrary to popular belief, not all introverts are shy. Some may have great social lives and love talking to their friends but just need some time to be alone to “recharge” afterwards. Extroverts however recharge by being around other people. The word “Introvert” has negative connotations but introverts are simply misunderstood because the majority of the population consists of extroverts.
The more I looked at the thousands of clearly extrovert people surrounding me the more I thought “get me out of here” Of course there will have been lots of introverts there too but like me they were probably trying to blend into the background :)
If I hadn’t arranged to meet one of my team there I might have snuck out and gone shopping instead. I was even rehearsing what I was going to say to my sponsor (the person who introduced me to Forever Living) when I told her that I didn’t want to do this anymore. As much as I believed it was a powerful opportunity my thoughts were “I don’t belong here” “this business isn’t for me” and that the next 2 days would be awful.
But I was meeting someone there and I knew I could be miserable for 2 days or I could make the most of them. Luckily I knew my negative thoughts (I don’t belong here) were affecting my feelings (unhappiness and self-doubt) which had the potential to affect my behaviour (going home) so I changed my thoughts to “I’m going to learn lots from this”
Which situation would it be useful for you to change your thoughts about?
Despite knowing I’m an introvert I also know that to be successful in life we have to step out of our comfort at times. Every time you do something that seems scary you are developing yourself and your skills. The secret is not to jump so far out of your comfort zone that you scare the living daylights out of yourself.
As a newly qualified coach I knew a good way to reach potential clients was by doing free webinars. The thought terrified me but I knew getting the first one out of the way would give me a huge sense of achievement. I set myself a goal to do my first webinar within 6 months…. Ages away so not too scary :)
I started by listening to lots of other coaches webinars, they weren’t perfect, some even sounded nervous. My confidence grew. I bought some software and learned how to use it… now that I’d made an investment there was no going back. I wrote a script for how I would introduce myself, no big deal… I recorded myself doing the introduction. It was embarrassing and I didn’t like my voice but it was getting easier… I’m sure you get the idea. My confidence grew with every small step and I did the webinar within the 6 months as I’d planned. It wasn’t perfect but every time I did one I got better and my confidence grew.
What labels do you apply to yourself that you use as an excuse? Where could you push your comfort zone ever so slightly?
I’m not sure if I would have left the event if I wasn’t meeting someone there, I hope I would have come to my senses but one of the reasons I stayed was that I felt accountable to my team member. I couldn’t leave her there alone, what sort of sponsor would that make me?
In the situation I mentioned above with the webinar I held myself accountable by promoting the webinar long before I was confident to do it. People signed up for the webinar so I had to deliver. When it comes to coaching clients I hold them accountable for the actions they say they want to take.
How could you find accountability to make sure you do that thing that is scary but ultimately leads to huge benefits?
I learned so much more that weekend but this blog is getting quite long so I’m going to share the rest in a part 2
However I will share that I had an AMAZING weekend, I learned loads and I came away SUPER MOTIVATED so leaving would definitely have been a HUGE mistake.
If you want to make sure you get part 2 and similar articles go to the top of this page and sign up for my free ebook; being tired is much more likely to lead to self sabotage and it means you’ll also get my regular newsletter full of midset and motivation stuff to help you develop a success mindset for a more authentic, more fulfiling life.
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I used to feel like life was passing me by.
I used to think “ok today was crap, tomorrow will be better” or “next week will be better”
On the 1st of January I used to think “next year will be better”
I spent most of my 30’s thinking “next year will be better”
I spend the first few years of my 40’s thinking the same…
Don’t get me wrong, I was happy much of the time, or I certainly thought I was… I had a nice house, nice car, loving family.
I was very lucky and thankful for my life, it was a life I’d worked hard to have. BUT… something was missing and I had no idea what.
For too long I had been living on stress and adrenalin, not eating properly, not sleeping well, taking work home all of the time. Saying “no problem” everytime my boss asked if I could do something else. I was a sponge for other peoples stress.
My managers would come to me with their issues and being a natural problem solver I did everything I could to solve their problems for them. They would leave my desk smiling and telling me they felt better but I was slowly drowning.
Thankfully I eventually fell apart. I say thankfully because my life is sooooooooooo much better, I learned so much and not only am I enjoying my love and generally more at peace with myself (most of the time) but I’m a nicer person and better, less shouty Mum now that I’m not stressed… well not very often anyway :)
I wish I could have changed my life without falling apart but I was convinced I just needed to “get through” whatever was the challenge of the day / week / month
What I want to tell people now is DO NOT SETTLE, life is precious and it’s short and you get one shot at it. You don’t even need to do anything drastic like leave your job like I did.
My ego wouldn’t let me ask for help, don’t let ego stop you from accepting or asking or looking for support.
The thing that stopped me from taking action for a long time was not knowing what the end outcome would me. If you feel like life is passing you by please don’t wait until you know what you want.
You know what I flipping love my life at the moment. Its not a bed of roses. I argue with my husband sometimes, shout at the kids sometimes and sometimes I even go to McDonalds on my own because I’m feeling sorry for myself even though I wish I ate healthy all the time.
I’ve also got lots of family stuff going on that a few years ago I have no idea how I would have coped with on top of the stress of my job. Plus I’m skint because although I have 2 businesses I’m still paying off debt from when my body said “enough is enough” and I had to leave my job BUT I’m free and I’m happy. Not financially free yet but I will be.
My daughter is at university and I wish I could afford to give her more money… but I can drop everything to go and see her when I want to. My son doesn’t think its fair that he has to wait until his birthday for a new phone or that he can’t have a new pair of trainers even though the ones he has are still perfect. Now though he takes for granted that I can go and watch his school football matches whatever time they are..
A few year ago it was different, I earned a good salary and if he wanted new trainers there was a good chance he got them, but he took for granted that l wouldn’t be at school football matches and although I made important school plays like Christmas there were lots that I couldn’t go to. He didn’t mind, there were usually more grandparents than parents at some of them and at the time I didn’t mind because that was normal to me just like lots of other parents plus I enjoyed my job.
I used to accept that it was normal to have debt… it is normal (whatever that means) and often unavoidable but it kept me trapped. So long as I stayed in a job that was draining the life out of me the debt wasn’t an issue… it was just one of many household expenses.
Now I like not being normal….
I love my coaching business but often its lonely and hard work, I do it and will always do it because I love helping people fulfil their potential. I also love network marketing because I work with a team of amazingly supportive people who love helping others fulfil their potential, sometimes that is by helping them build a business, sometimes that is by recommending products that have been used for centuries yet normal society prefers pills and sometimes that is by building schools in Africa etc.
Often I wish I found network marketing years ago but actually I would have turned my nose up at it then. My preconceptions would have told me it was a scam and if I saw past that my ego would have asked me “what would people think?”
Thankfully I have a more open mind that I used to about what normal is, despite always thinking that I was open minded :) I also have my ego in check more these days. I know that my ego just wants to keep me safe as do my loved ones who still worry that my dreams are unachievable and I will be disappointed.
But you know what normal and safe is ok for some people, it was ok for me for a long time but not anymore. I know I will achieve everything on my vision board even if the timescales aren’t quite right.
I did think vision boards were a bit woo-woo but now when I look at mine it reminds me what I want out of life and why I want it so instead of giving up like “most people” when things don’t go to plan I look for the lesson and keep on going because that is what successful do.
Oh… and when I say successful I don’t mean they live in a big house and drive a nice car… I mean they have the things they want but ALSO they do the things they want to do, when they want to do them and they enjoy their live, basically they have freedom.
I don’t want a normal life I want a free life and I want to teach my kids that they can be, do and have anything they want and that normal is fine but so is not being normal.
So the moral of the story is whether you are normal or not normal be purposeful about it! If you live life on purpose you will be a heck of a lot happier and teaching others to do the same
If you have had enough of being “normal” and you are ready to upgrade your life email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will talk about how I can help.
What Is EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique?
EFT stands for “Emotional Freedom Techniques.” This is an extremely effective self-help method known as “tapping” or “meridian tapping” that is used by hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
Emotional Freedom Techniques are beneficial for releasing negative thoughts, and behaviors which have become stored in our bodies on a cellular level.
Dr. George Goodheart is one of the forefathers of developing tapping methods that are often referred to as “emotional acupuncture.” A well-known American chiropractor, he founded a branch of chiropractic in the USA, based on a specific method of testing the body for information regarding its’ own individual needs.
A person’s emotional well-being is completely interlinked with their overall health and physical state. Our mental health plays a significant role in our healing ability and our physical health.
EFT is an excellent way to overcome emotional barriers that can make you feel “stuck” or in a rut in certain aspects of your life.
The origins of EFT or tapping are said to have been developed in ancient Chinese medicine as acupuncture was being discovered. Acupuncture is a healing method that utilizes energy pathways in the body known as energy meridians. Acupuncture is mainly used to treat physical ailments and not typically psychological issues, such as with EFT.
The practice is based on the same energy meridians that have been utilized in traditional acupuncture; however, no needles are involved. You simply use your fingertips to gently tap on their meridians in order to generate kinetic energy into these particular meridians on mainly the head and the chest area.
While tapping on these points, you think about a certain problem in your life you wish to overcome; possibly an addiction, a chronic pain or a traumatic event. While holding that image in your mind, you can voice positive affirmations while tapping in order to clear the blockage.
The purpose of voicing positive affirmations and tapping on your energy meridians is to restore your body and mind’s balance by short circuiting the emotional blockage from your body’s bioenergy system. Once the blockage is released and balance is attained, it is possible for physical and emotional problems to heal and optimum health to reign.
How and Where to Tap
There are 2 key points to utilizing EFT: the tapping technique and locations, and the positive affirmations. There is a sequence to follow in tapping and once you get the hang of it, usually after only a few minutes, you will be able to do the sequence automatically and focus more on your affirmations.
Accepting and Understanding
Many people are skeptical when they first discover EFT and tapping.
Being aware of the electromagnetic energy that constantly flows through our body and regulates our health has recently been recognized in our Western culture and is gaining popularity.
It is common for people to be initially amused by the methodology of EFT, but once they try tapping and feel the benefits, their amusement often changes to belief.
Are you familiar with EFT affirmation and tapping? If not, why not give it a try!